Running

Today I took 20mg of beta blockers and then one hour later went for a short jog. It worked for the first time! I ran 5 min, walked for 1 min, and then ran 5 more. My heart rate was totally realistic (maybe 170's). I hope to try again this week.

One thing I have noticed from doing the yoga is that I am abnormally sore for 2 days afterwards. Graves' causes muscle weakness, which can be particularly more noticeable in the large muscles of your arms and legs, and I really feel it. Not complaining...just an observation.

My eyes are slowly getting worse again. It's time for a blood test again this week. I'm curious what my results will be due the fact that I'm back on my meds and on a lower dose.

Overall, still feeling 85%. I have a feeling that 85% might be my new 100%. I'm so glad that I crammed as much as I could into my first 31 years:)

Yoga

In order to stay active the last 4 months, all I have been able to do is walk. Several times I have tried to run but it has not worked due to the tachycardia. I really have a desire to get more fit but it is difficult with my muscle weakness and rapid heart rate. My muscles are not weak due to lack of use but due to the disease.

Recently I have started doing yoga. There are many things that I have to do modified (mostly plank-like poses) but I find that I can do most things. It relaxes me while strengthening my core. I'm using the `Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga' by Bob Harper and I'm not doing it to lose weight:)

So, if you haven't tried yoga, I would recommend it. For anyone and everyone.

Thyroid Disease and Non-stick Pans

Here is a News Article that I heard about today. We're not safe anywhere, but, it might be time to get some stainless steel frying pans.

Interview

Today the long term disability people interviewed me. I had to explain what a day looked like for me back in September, what my days look like now, and why Graves' Disease makes it too difficult for me to teach right now. I wish I knew they would be asking me all these questions so that I could've prepared. While talking, Kai and Koen were ransacking my room and I started getting quite anxious. I finished off crying because I wanted her to understand that although I can function and take care of my two kids, there is no way I could manage a classroom right now. Although I can vacuum and do laundry, carrying something like a vacuum cleaner up the stairs is truly exhausting from my muscle weakness and it takes me time to recover. So yes, I can function, but at a very different level than before. True, my meds should regulate me soon but I don't want to return back too early and risk going back in the wrong direction. She was making it sound like I would only get disability for one month based on my symptoms etc. because my doctor had said on his form that I should be good to go back gradually in Feb or March (which is not my plan).

She will go through all the paperwork and our interview notes and get back to me `soon'...whatever that means. I do feel pretty good, just short of breath, tense, and a lot of anxiety. I've been taking more beta blockers because along with decreasing heart rate, they are really anxiety meds so they've been helping me relax, especially to sleep.

If I don't get it, I will be mad and disappointed. I pay into this crap all the time and I feel that I am deserving of it. We will see!

Disability

Either tomorrow or Monday I find out if I qualify for long term disability. I don't know if you're supposed to talk about these things but oh well. The reason I hope I qualify is two fold:

1. Validates my feelings that I am unable to work.

2. Financially, it would obviously be much tougher on just Gary's income (plus whatever we can bring in through photography).

Today I went to Kai's Teddy Bear Picnic and had Koen with me. I felt absolutely overwhelmed and exhausted. I should've taken a few beta blockers before I went. I think I'll take some now. If I can barely handle my two kids in a social situation for 2 hours, how the heck could I handle a classroom of 30 crazy grade 9's all day? I really wonder if I will qualify.

We will see!

Intense

You know when you watch a scary movie and your whole body tenses up without even thinking about it? That's how I feel all the time now and I can't relax it for more than a minute. Deep breathing seems to help but as soon as I continue on with my day, I'm in constant `fight or flight' mode. Makes it hard to sleep. Maybe I'll do my yoga video today....

Pizza

Oh man, my thyroid is speeding up! I can always gauge it based on my desire for pizza at 8pm. If I'm fine, I don't need to eat anything after dinner. If I start getting into the hyper range, I could eat a piece of pizza. Tonight, at 8pm, I had 5 pieces of pizza. It was thin crust so maybe it's not as bad:). The bad thing is, I could probably eat another one right now. Maybe I'll have a bowl of cereal. I just hope my thyroid doesn't return to where it was a few months back....

Feeling All Right

I'm scared to say it but I'm feeling pretty good. Not good like `Hey, I'm normal!' or `Let's go hiking!' or `Hey, put me in a classroom!', but feeling like I'm functioning very well. I wish I had video coverage of me from when I was really sick. I do have one of my hands shaking and maybe I should post it sometime.

My sister and brother in law came over yesterday and I apologized that the lights were off. He asked if it was because of my eyes and it wasn't! I was trying to conserve energy and hadn't even thought of my eyes. Yippee! I mean, I still wear sunglasses outside but so do a lot of people. Getting there folks.

Also, 20 minutes was not enough time for the beta blocker to kick in for a jog. Next time I will try 45 minutes.

That's it for now.

Not Surprised

Hey all. So, I went to the endocrinologist today and here is what I learned:

1. She believes that I DO have Graves' Disease. Do you understand why I didn't get super excited when they said it might be just PPT? Seriously lady, you're making me crazy! I really do like her, I think the thyroid is just really hard to understand.

2. The reason she believes it is Graves' Disease because:

a. I have the antibodies

b. If it was PPT, when I went hypothyroid, I should've stayed there and not gone back up to hyperthyroid, which I am now.

3. I will see her again in 2 months and she predicts I will be feeling even better then.

4. I am back on my meds. Grrr. Sad face. Seriously?! Good thing I never threw them out. I will only be taking 1/3rd the dose as she hasn't seen someone respond so drastically as I did. I think she felt very bad that I went so hypothyroid and had chest pains for a week. Oh man, those chest pains were very, very BAD.

5. Remember my nail? It's actually the healthy nail growing in and the raised part is the unhealthy, brittle nail. She said, `Wow, I don't usually see that!'.

6. I am going to be trying to exercise by taking my beta blockers and then waiting 20 minutes and then going out for a jog. My body is so weak, I really need to get some level of fitness back.

And then, on the way home, our van's `check engine' light started flashing. What the heck? Seriously. We just put $5500.00 into that stupid van.

Oh well, off to take some pills.

Still A Bit Hyper

Had blood test done today. Will see the endo on Wed. Only bad symptoms these days are:

1. Light sensitivity (not as bad as before but still present)

2. Insomnia

3. Higher than normal resting heart rate (100 bpm) and inability to do any cardio or my heart rate jumps up to 200 bpm very quickly (within 4 minutes).

4. Always feeling warm

5. Still can get overwhelmed very easily

I know I'm def. on the hyper side as I've had my fair share of cake over the last few days and my weight remains the same:)

I have to say though, that I am feeling about 85% normal which is awesome.